Counter-steering

I was feeling down for some time lately. The underlying reasons being multiple, some personal, some work related and some bureaucracy related. Overall I had too many items on my daily schedule and as always, not enough time. After completing all planned errands on a given day, I wouldn't have the energy nor the will to do anything fun for myself or with my family. Not necessarily big fun, waxing the skies, washing the bike kind of fun. I need these small fun activities to take my mind off of tomorrow's new errands. Now they were gone, and it was my fault. Due to the daily burnout I could not push myself to do anything fun in my free time. 

Consequently my overall mood was going down. 

Declining mood was actually a minor thing in comparison with helplessness and indifference I felt. I was in a self perpetual state of "MEH", which aggravated me further more, in a viscous circle. I was angry, because I was helpless, because I was lacking motivation, because I was lame, because I did not have any fun, because I was angry all the time and felt wasted. See, circle.

I was sinking with my emotions deeper and deeper, to a point I thought there is no coming back, unless something extremely nice happens to me. I don't know what was I expecting, some kind of a miracle to make me feel empowered and excited again. Ergo I was expecting a positive thing to pull a positive change in my behavior. 

Little did I knew at that time, I would soon have to counter steer. In order to go right, I had to go left a little, just to get the right momentum and then get out of the curb to the right.

I contracted Covid19, something that was out of my control. Negative thing for sure. The mood went down further more. However, in my fever induced lucid dreams, I realized something. This was my counter steering chance, I had almost enough strength to get out of the self pity state I was in. I had to use this momentum of physically getting better, to pull my mental state out of the ditches.  

So I did. I waxed the skies, played board games with the kids, and I promise I'll wash the car ASAP.

So as in every good tale, things had to get way worse before they can improve, so did my spirit. It turned out that in order to help my self, I didn't needed a push in the right direction, I needed a push in the opposite direction so I can counter-steer myself out.

Stay strong, and go skiing!